One to go!

Felt pretty good today although a bit weary when I went in to have my penultimate chemo.

All went smoothly except at the end my vein started to do a bit of a skin bubble up again once the needle was out. That just means you have to put a bit of pressure on it for longer - which I know and I did and it was fine. 

I was perfectly ok until I drove off and found myself crying at the first set of traffic lights. Cried all the way home and sat in the car and cried and had a big old ugly snotty cry in the lounge then had to get a paper towel out to wipe the snot off my floor [missed the tissue] OMG! The poor cat didn't know what the hell was going on.

Had to get my brother to send me a joke, he did, the best most un-pc cancer joke ever. Can not possibly share it here but had me laughing out loud. Then I opened my care package from Margo and Patsy which arrived yesterday but I resisted temptation to open it until today [yeah for me!] chocolate's good when you're a teary mess. 

I've pulled myself together now so don't freak out, back on track. Although there may be a repeat next week but tears of joy when I walk out that treatment room after my FINAL chemo. Cry me a river.

Looking good feeling better

I've had the day off. Starting with an oncologist appointment at 0940 only they were running late so I got in there at 10 am, quick chat and check up [all good] and I was off out the door to my "Look good feel better" treat. Bit stressed as I hate being late, but luckily they start with a cuppa so my waltzing in 3 minutes late was ok. 

It's a wonderful charity run by volunteers and I got to meet some amazing women, all different ages and types of cancer. Most wearing wigs and you couldn't tell at all. Maybe I need to try braving mine again? We got treated to a makeover, each taken care of by our own volunteer and you get a goodie bag to take away full of all sorts of skin care stuff, make up and magazines. It felt nice to be pampered and I had the rest of the day off so popped in to see Mum briefly and once I got home I took some time out reading magazines. Back to the real world tomorrow...

The goodie bag, there's more
in the make up bag

Afterwards - with my Peru hat on.
Not sure the lippy colour is really me!

Number 10 down and 2 to go

Nothing to see here again, feeling incredibly lucky

This week has been rather emotional as a lovely lady who works in my side of the hospital campus died last week after her battle with bowel cancer, and I went to the work memorial for her. Then a couple of hours later I was hooked up for my latest chemo and herceptin duo.

I confused the staff by sitting in a different chair again, I've told them I want to try them all out and this time I had a chair with a view. The place was about half full when I arrived and then there was just 2 of us. 

This time I got an air bubble in my 2nd bag and it involved my alarm going off repeatedly and the nurses taking turns to flick the line to disperse it, so the whole procedure took about 10 minutes longer, other than that no dramas.

The cancer centre team were having a training session the following day so the other patient and I were entertained with them moving furniture around us and setting up tables. I was able to give them my expert advice about making sure they didn't mix up the colours of the chairs and found I was not the only OCD person in the room.

I got home to find my care package at my door. This time it was aromatherapy energy pulse point oil, and some moisturising gel socks you pop on your feet for 20 mins to soak up some lovely oils. Felt great when I tried them and very pampered.

My happy feet

This post is in memory of Donna, rest easy now and purple reigns!

Why I don't like the term "Journey"

I personally feel the word "Journey" is over used, you hear it all the time in reality TV shows [must stop watching!]

I intensely dislike it being used in relation to having cancer, because when I think of a journey it's in the context of a planned trip, something you want to do and you're looking forward to all the great adventures ahead. 

Having cancer is like being told you're going to Bulgaria, and that's not a place that's held any attraction for you, in fact you don't want to go to Bulgaria but you don't have the choice. You're told you'll be in Bulgaria for over a year, it starts right now and you'll probably feel like crap for big chunks of that year, occasionally you'll get a break but only for a couple of weeks. You know your real life is going to be put on hold and this year is all going to be about bloody Bulgaria

Once you're there a while, you're kind of surprised that Bulgaria hasn't been too bad so far but all the time thinking, jeez I never wanted to be here in the first place and there's no way I'm coming back. Just get me thru this and I'm out of here.

By the way, I have been to the real Bulgaria a loooong time ago, that wasn't my choice either. My original tour got cancelled and I had to book with another company, although that trip did turn out to be one of the best things in my life. 

Bulgaria doesn't hold happy memories due to the worst road side public toilet stop I've ever experienced, cockroaches in the food, cockroaches in the hotel rooms and drinking games with Bulgarian champagne and Malibu. Don't try hungover sightseeing in a city you never wanted to go to in the first place.

This is probably really unfair to Bulgaria, you've probably changed since 1992, perhaps I could be persuaded to visit you again, on an "all expenses paid, no cancer treatment involved, give me your best shot" terms only

And Andrea, just a reminder, leave Hotel fire hoses alone.

Too much information?

I had intended this blog to be an honest, tell it like it is account of my experience, and it has been - except that I haven't really been up front about some of the more personal stuff. As I've only got 3 more chemo to go I figured I should tell it all. 

I can hear my brother thinking "OMG what the hell is she going to say now", and this is very likely going to be over-sharing, so if you're reading this and thinking, "Yeah, rather not know all the gory details", here's your pre-warning, step away from the screen NOW.

This is some of the weird/funny/scary stuff that I'm experiencing

• Chemo makes my head itch like crazy, constantly, 24 hours a day
  
• My hair hasn't fallen out in one big dramatic moment, it has been weeks and weeks and weeks of constant fall out, and it's messy even though I cut my hair really really short. Think drifts of bits of hair every time I touch my head. Now my head looks like it's covered in a fine layer of fluff, sort of like a dandelion.
  
• I thought that I would want to try a new hairstyle since the government pays for the wig, but when it comes to wearing Kirstin Wig I feel like a fake Kardashian wannabe. I'm happier wearing scarves and beanies - even though it looks like I've got cancer, because at least it feels like I'm still me
  
• There are moments when I laugh like a loon at inappropriate times because sometimes the medical tests are just plain funny... although that's possibly just me
  
• I have cried over stupid insignificant little things just because I'm tired and sometimes this stuff is hard to deal with. I completely lost it at work one day because I hadn't realised my blood test plaster had come off, and blood got on my sleeve - for some reason it really got to me that I couldn't get the blood stain out. Luckily I was able to hide in the loos until I pulled myself together
  
• I was looking at chemo as a weight loss plan, except that's not how it's turned out (... so far, don't want to jinx myself.)
  Apparently chemo doesn't always mean you'll vomit all the time, sometimes you don't get any nasty side effects AND you put weight on! They don't tell you that in the leaflet, and yes I'm ungrateful and annoyed about the weight gain even though I know I shouldn't be
  
• There's a set of scales as you go into the chemo treatment room, it's best not to use them.
  
•  Just lately for a few days after chemo, I've had mild constipation AND the most horrendous wind ...at night, ...lying in bed. So bad I swear the duvet moves with the jet stream and the cat lifts off the end of the bed. Then she gets in a huff and jumps off the bed which sets me off laughing
  
• I don't sleep well on chemo night, probably a combo of the anti-nausea drug and wind. This week was really bad, at 4.30 am I gave up and tried reading
  
• Sometimes I can't spell a simple word like nausea (just had to google it) when I've always been pretty good at spelling, and that concerns me. I'm hoping it's just chemo brain
  
• I know I should be doing gentle exercise to help with fatigue, but my idea of gentle exercise is a 25 minute walk round my suburb and then when I come home I'm knackered and that gets me down, so then I think stuff it, may as well flag it and avoid the feeling of failure. Tisk, bad attitude... see what I mean?

On the plus side

• You can get your nephew to behave if you pull the "do it for your sick Aunty" card.
  
• Chemo lets you jump queues at labs! Sometimes even at supermarket check outs if people are kind and you wear your scarf and do some fake gagging sounds...not that I'd do that
  
• Not only does the hair on your head fall out but body hair slows down, haven't had to shave my pits for weeks!
  
• You get free stuff, I'm getting to go to a "Look good, feel better" workshop soon, yeah!

An unfortunate side effect

3/4 done, only 3 to go!

I'm really on the home stretch now, 9 down and 3 to go. 

This past week has been a bit tough energy wise. Started getting more and more tired from Saturday afternoon on-wards and Monday morning when the alarm went off, I had my first "I just can't do this today" moment and didn't go into work. 

Felt a bit of a wuss because it's not like I was actually sick or anything and I didn't spend all day in bed, I made it to the couch. Daytime TV really sucks by the way.

Felt way better the next day and I always seem to feel great Wednesday and Thursday... just in time for the next round

Today at work, I had a nice lunch out with Colleen and Marian, and a bit later when I went for treatment it was the best vein yet, hardly even felt the needle going in and no issues.

Bit off putting when I first arrived, I was parking myself in the same place as last week and could hear someone vomiting on the other side, poor person. Also saw a young man late teens hooked up, far too young, and over heard another patient talking about the merits of being Her2 positive as opposed to triple negative "because although it's more aggressive at least they can be treated with herceptin, before those people didn't have much chance. Triple negatives don't have a lot of treatment options"

Hmmm.... kind of sucks and yet doesn't suck being a Her2er, and luckily this Her2er is super lucky that it's caught early eh!

Todays scarf combo - HER2, do I look bothered?

Round 8 and massage bliss

Round 8 is done and dusted, no issues to report and my winning streak continues with yet another 0 on the vomitron scale. 

This time I changed chairs and tried out the other side of the wall. I discovered there's a couch, more magazines and a TV over there. I was quite content with my kindle and "A town like Alice" I've read it a few times but it's always great. I'd never picked up on it before but it mentions Jerantut where we used to live when I was a child. I remember my parents telling me that our house was occupied by Japanese officers during WW2 and it had a few scars from their occupation. A big cut sliced out of the stairs bannister apparently!

The treats keep on coming, I've already scoffed most of the chocs from the weekly care parcel courtesy of Patsy and Margo and I've just enjoyed the fabulous treat I got from my workmates. I got a gift voucher for Lox beauty salon so got my lashes and brows tinted and a back/shoulder/neck massage. It was absolute bliss and I didn't realise how much tension I was carrying in my shoulders until they were being worked on. 

I'm thinking I need to get back to the gym and my yoga class! I've also figured out I should be done with chemo, radiation and allowing for recovery about the same time as our annual work "Biggest Loser" challenge begins. Perfect timing as the great "Chemo weight loss plan" just isn't happening

Chocs and coffee treat

This is for my Nelson nieces
who were wondering
what I look like now - with not much hair xxx

Round 7 - feeling lucky but a bit over it

My luck continues, it's over 24 hours ago and still no nasty side effects, and my veins behaved. This was another Starsky and Hutch combo so took about 2 hours, enough time to kick back and relax with my kindle.

I am feeling a bit tired now and then, and I don't sleep well on chemo night but I now know why! The anti-nausea drug I take before chemo, then that night and the next morning has listed in the possible side effects "may cause insomnia" so as I am very focused on not messing with my system that so far has been working, I'll take that and move on. The drug is called domperidone, not to be confused with dom perignon which is what I first heard when I was told what drugs I'd be on, wouldn't that be great if you got champagne to take as part of chemo!

This week I'm feeling a bit fed up with the weekly blood tests and the needles. Due to the possible risk of lymphedema in my right arm I can't have any blood tests, blood pressure tests or needles on that side so the left arm is taking a bit of a hammering. I checked with Nurse Jenny if I have to keep doing the blood tests when I'm just doing Herceptin and joy of joys the answer was no, and no more weekly steroid or anti-nausea drugs required either, so I just have to get thru another 5 weeks. 

I still have Fridays off work so I have been enjoying some sun on the deck today reading my magazine "The Queen turns 90" this weeks care package from Margo and Patsy, not sure if there was a message in that or not?

Still 0 on the vomitron scale, the hair fall out continues but I still have lots of hair and no bald spots - unlike my brother xxx

Maybe Dom should be my patron saint?